


Her Suffering, My Heartache

by ThereIsThat



Series: The Hope That Keeps Her Going [4]
Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Actor Lexa, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artist Clarke, Drinking & Talking, F/F, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, Long-Term Relationship(s), Love Confessions, One-Sided Attraction, Past Relationship(s), Relationship Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 23:24:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8179747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsThat/pseuds/ThereIsThat
Summary: Clarke and Anya talking about work, love, Lexa and the ghosts of the past





	

**_Friends_ **

_Settings: night. A calm restaurant and lounge. Clarke and Anya are sharing a bottle of whisky on a table along their conversation that's been going for a while._

_*** *** *** ***_

_  
_

-"Didn't think you can take a couple of drinks. I have to say I'm finally starting to like you Griffin."

Anya jokes in her usual half smile.

-"to be fair, you're not as much of a bitch as I thought you are when I first met you."

-"What would make you think that about me?" Anya fakes a look of shock in response then changes her expression to a realizing one.

  "Okay. Don't answer that."

-"But you are not. There I acknowledge my mistake twice in one night."

-"That's big of you. You're still not getting that spot I'm afraid."

-"Shit! That was all I got."

They share a laugh that gradually fades into silence. That is definitely the first time they had a casual conversation about anything other than work. It feels strangely familiar to Clarke, like they can easily be friends if they run in the same circles more often. The fact that they both drink like a fish is probably helping her realize that now.

-"Seriously, You have great potential. It's just not what we need. I mean we're a fashion magazine and your work just don't fit in. you seem to prefer nature or naked people."

-" I just find the human body fascinating; don't say it like I work in pornography."

-"You'd probably make more money doing that."

Clarke frowns a bit in annoyance.

  "Jesus I'm joking. You don't have to defend your art to me. If you're just as dismal with girls then no wonder you're single."

-"Girls? Who said I'm gay?"

-"Oh I just assumed. Only gay for Lexa maybe."

Clarke nearly chokes in her own tongue. She tries to say something but her sentence gets strangled before it leaves her mouth. Anya simply rolls her eyes.

-"I …"

-"Come on, everybody knows. You look at her like you've never seen anything more beautiful in your life, or fragile for that matter."

-"Everybody but her."

 This time the words escape before she can think better about them. She grabs her glass and shoves what's left in her mouth to stop herself from saying another stupid thing.

Anya easily figures out the extremely revealing expression. She turns her head away busying herself with anything at all, she feels like she just exposed a secret that she didn't have a right to.

 -"Anyway, don't take it too personal. Lexa hadn't been with anyone since… well, since a very long time."

-"I didn't know there was a 'since'."

  Clarke is still hiding her face but she can't help the curiosity.

-"That was a long time ago. It was tragic really."

Clarke can tell that she means it was for Lexa, she only sees that look of concern in Anya's eyes when it comes to her younger friend. She knows they're so close even if she has no idea why and how did they come to be.

-"what happened?"

-"that's not my story to tell. Although, I don't know if Lexa ever told anyone. That's just her nature, she keeps everything stored deep down and let it tear her from the inside. She'd never pin an ounce of her problems on anyone else."

-"funny… She seems to break my heart so casually every day."

Anya is coming back to reality; she seems to have lost her mind in the past for a minute. But Clarke's words are pulling her out. She raises her head to watch a single tear making its way down the other woman's cheek before she wipes it away hurriedly fixing her posture.

-"Don't ever say that."

  A bit too shaken, too angry, Anya's sentence comes out something between an order and an imploration. Clarke is actually shocked by it.

 "You don't know the half of it. You don't know the struggles and pain she had lived through before she became the person she is today. Her mother dying delivering her to this world. Her father only there to pay the bills, a shadow that barely transparently existed. And then Costia! She could've lost it after Costia and no one would dare to blame her but she stayed strong and turned her life around.  
I'm the only constant thing in her life, the neighbor who watched her sometimes and then gradually made her way to her heavily guarded heart. I don't know what she'd call me, a friend, a sister, a mentor even. But even I have to step carefully through her walls to find out when there's something wrong.  
What I'm trying to say is: she'd never break your heart on purpose. Not Lexa. But yes, she might tear it into a million pieces thinking she's saving you the suffering of being with her."

Lost for words, Clarke just sits there staring at her glass. If they were any closer or if she knew Anya was that kind of person she'd get up and give her a hug. Instead she reaches for the bottle and fills both their glasses in a gesture of consolation. They drink in silence for a couple of minutes; the air is horribly tense around them.

-"I didn't mean,"

-"I know. I'm sorry."

-"No I'm really just…"

-"madly in love and it's killing you?"

-"yeah" Clarke says managing a little smile that only stays there for a split second. "yes, I am"

-"I know."

_*** *** *** ***_


End file.
